Friday, 20 April 2007

Career downer day

It seems to me that my career is not exactly panning out the way I thought it would. And maybe this has something to do with the fact that I had absolutely no idea of what I wanted to do when I grew up, and now that I am, er, grown up, I'm left with the feeling that I forgot to pack something vital. Like, a plan.
Is it normal to be in a total and complete panic about the direction my career has taken over the last two years? Is it normal to be this panicked at my perceived lack of experience in all the things that I love? Is it normal to kick myself repeatedly for studying something I hate?
Now, don't get me wrong. Multimedia is a very impressive degree to have, apparently, and I am endlessly impressed with the way many of my friends have translated this degree into award winning motion graphics work and passion filled late nights in front of a computer screen. And yet...and yet... I hate it. I don't want to spend my life in front of a computer! I hate feeling woozy and irradiated at the end of every week. I hate sitting on my ass all day every day moving effing pixels around. I want to move! And paint! And... move! Around! The room!
AAAiiigh
I am at this very moment clawing at my own neck just contemplating the thought of spending the rest of my life this way.
So... what to do? I want to become and interior designer, or a decor stylist (whatever in the hell that is) or...or...something that will let me into close proximity to beautiful furniture. But, of course, it's not that simple, is it? Every time I think of all the work involved in switching careers I want to lie down. Forever. And it's not that I lack passion, it's more that if I had to have a year anything near to what last year was like, I may have to stuff my head in a couch and suffocate myself. To say that last year was completely sideways completely underrates the effect it had on my small frame. It's almost the middle of this year and I still feel emotionally hungover from last June. Is it weird to wake up in the middle of the night and have absolutely no idea where you are because you can't remember which of the four houses you've lived in for nine months you're in? IS THAT NORMAL? Is it normal to use the word 'in' that many times in one sentence? See? I'm hardly fit for a career change just yet.

...yet.

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